THE PARENTAL PALE HORSE

The issue of death has been very much on our minds in the past month or so aswe have been confronted with three deaths involving the near relatives of themembers of this church. Besides that, some of us have also noticed that inrecent weeks there seem to be an increase in the number of funeral wakes set upin the void-decks of HDB blocks. Perhaps it is due to the fluctuating weather.Perhaps it is simply the Lord’s providential reminder to us, not to becomecomplacent with regards to the “king of terrors” (Job 18:14).

Providentially, also, we were studying Philippians 1:21 last Lord’s Day, wherewe saw what the Apostle Paul means when he says: “For me… to die is gain.” Inaccordance with the context of the verse, we dealt mainly with Christian death,against a brief backdrop of the world’s views and attitudes towards death.

In this short article, we want to continue the subject from a different angle,in order that we may pause and think for a moment not so much concerning our owndeath, which was dealt with in the sermon last Lord’s Day, but concerning thedeath that will come upon our loved ones who are in their senior or eveningyears.

Universality andSuddenness of Death

For a start, I believe, it is needful for us to remind ourselves that death isuniversal and can come upon anyone suddenly.

Death was brought about by the fall of Adam (Rom 5:12), and since then it hasaffected all men and have come upon all men regardless of their stations inlife, gender and age. Many perish in old age, but a great many perish ininfancy and youth too. In the history of mankind, only two persons did notexperience death, namely, Enoch and Elijah. Both of them were translated toheaven in extraordinary circumstances. Death, for all others, is appointed byGod (Heb 9:27), and none can escape (except those alive when Christ returns: 1Cor 15:52; 1 Thes 4:15, 17), for “there is no man that hath power over thespirit to retain the spirit; neither hath he power in the day of death” (Ecc8:8a).

According to one population statistics, about 2 persons die in the world everysecond. This means that on an average day, at every minute, more than 100people would die around the world, and by the time you finish this article,more than 1,000 people would have entered their eternal destinies. According tothe same statistics, 140,000 people die each day, of which 30,000 are childrenunder 5 years of age. This is excluding the large but unknown number ofabortions and miscarriages that occur every minute. Truly, Moses is right whenhe says: “Thou carriest them away as with a flood” (Ps 90:5).

It is true that mortality rates around the world are dropping because ofmedical and technological advances, but hardly anyone will venture to say thatthere will come a day in this present world when man will be inoculated againstdeath. No, death is a certainty for all men because of the curse of sin. Wewill all die, and all our friends and relatives will die. Statistically, thosein the prime of life are less likely to die in any single day than those whoare in their evening years. So, most of us (at least, in PCC) are more likely,within the next two decades or so, to have to attend the funerals of ourparents and relatives rather than that of a fellow church member. But time andagain, we are reminded that there are always exceptions as young men and womenwith seemingly very bright futures ahead are cut down in their youth. And so wemust all be prepared to die; but at the same time we must also be prepared for thedeath of our loved ones, especially if they are approaching their eveningyears. Indeed, with each passing year, we must be even more prepared that deathwill occur in that year. Moses reminds us of this fact when he says underinspiration:

The days of our years are threescoreyears and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet istheir strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away (Ps90:10).

It has been estimated that the average life expectancy of male children born inSingaporein the year 2000 is 77.1 years, whereas for females it is 83.23. But the lifeexpectancy of those born before 1970 is only 66 years or less, 4 years short ofthe 70-year average stated by Moses. Are our parents approaching 70 or have passed70? We must be prepared for the increased possibility of their departure withinthe year.

Let us not be complacently thinking that only when we see signs ofdeteriorating health that we should begin to prepare for their departure. Whendeath strikes according to the appoint-ment of God, it is almost always suddenand usually unexpected. Remember that death can occur for a great number ofreasons, not just illness. Death can occur also because of minor accidents. Fora person who is very advanced in age, a fall or even a cut can be fatal.

Though it may be unpleasant to think about, or anticipate, the death of ourbeloved parents, it is far better that we be prepared than to be caught offguard with the possibility of being inundated with guilt for our failures andnegligence.

Preparation for ourParents’ Death

Take note that we are referring not just to mental preparation, and preparationin terms of buying insurance coverage, but more so to preparation in terms ofduties and responsibilities. What are some of the areas in which we ought to beprepared?

In the first place, it is needful for us to begin examining our relationshiptowards our aging parents. Have we been treating them with respect and honour(Ex 20:12)? Or have we been taking them for granted or, worst, treating them asstrangers and burdens. It is an exceedingly sad thing to see children mourningthe death of their father when it is known that when the father was alive, theynot only neglected him, but also were often abusive towards him. Beloved, eventhe world would feel indignant at such a sight (cf. 1 Tim 5:8). Let none of usbe found guilty of such grotesque hypocrisy. Let us not wait till death, beforeshowing love and concern, for it would be too late then. It is true that some parentscan be very exasperating and hard to love. But as Christ loves us who are notjust unlovely but hateful, are we not able to love our parents who nurtured andmaintained us, whatever their faults may have been? And if we find it not inour hearts to love them for one reason or another, shall we not find all meansto honour them for Christ’s sake (1 Jn 5:3)?

In the second place, it is needful for us to be concerned with our parents’spiritual state. If the Christian friends I know are anything to go by, itwould appear that most of us who are in our twenties to forties (in PCC and inSingapore) are first-generation Christians, or are second-generationChristians, where our parents have been converted under rather shallow Arminiancampaigns. Experience has shown us that very few of our parents, who profess tobe Christians, are sound in their faith. Many remain in ignorant superstitionsdespite their apparent conversions. Now, therefore it behoves us who haveunbelieving parents to pray for them; and to take every prudent opportunity totell them about Christ and to urge them to seek Him while there is yet time. Atthe same time, it would also behove those who are unsure of their parents’faith to show genuine care and to fulfil our debt towards them by humbly andlovingly expounding unto them the way of God more perfectly (cf. Acts 18:26).

Now, it must be admitted that it is not easy to do so. Many of us will find itdifficult to express ourselves effectively to our parents about spiritualmatters in the language that they are comfortable with, since a large number ofour parents know little English whereas most us would worship, read and thinkin English. If that be the case, my suggestion would be to try to get a maturebeliever who is able to express himself well, in the dialect of our parents, totalk to them. Some other of us may be hindered in trying to talk to our parentsnot so much because of language barriers, but because we fear that our parentswould despise our youth and retort that they have eaten more salt than we haveeaten rice. This fear is not unfounded, especially in the context of the Asianculture, where the attitude of parental superiority is very strong. What do wedo in such a circumstance? I believe we may also want to try engaging someoneolder to befriend our parents. But beyond that, I believe we should ask theLord for courage to speak. Consider Paul’s exhortation to Timothy:

For God hath not given us the spiritof fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou thereforeashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thoupartaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God (2 Tim1:7–8).

Speaking to our parents concerning their errors may incur their displeasure andridicule, but keeping quiet is to refuse to be partakers of the afflictions ofthe gospel, and to be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord. Albeit his wrongassessment of Job, I believe young Elihu was right when he said:

I said, Days should speak, andmultitude of years should teach wisdom. But there is a spirit in man: and theinspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding. Great men are not alwayswise: neither do the aged understand judgment (Job 32:7–9).

Beloved, let us not wait till it is too late to prepare for our parents’departure. Do not presume that our parents may be more willing to hear the Wordwhen they are on the bed of affliction or on the deathbed. The certainty ofconversion on deathbeds is always suspicious. William Guthrie has well said:

The Bible, which ranges over aperiod of four thousand years, records but one instance of a death-bedconversion, one that none may despair, and but one that none may presume.

Attitudes Towards ourParents’ Death

Now, finally, what should our attitude be when the moment comes for our parentsto depart?

In the first place, guilt will be natural if we haveneglected our parents’ physical and spiritual well being when they were stillalive. If we had neglected to provide for their needs, no amount spent to makethe funeral an elaborate affair will sooth the feeling of guilt that is boundto overwhelm us if we have a Christian conscience. Again, no amount ofrationalising will help us if we have made no effort to tell them about Christor to have them hear the gospel, or to steer them to the way of Christ, in thecase where they have been living in hypocritical profession of faith.

Now, in saying all these, it is not my purpose at all to rub salt into theconscience of anyone of us who have felt guilt due to our past neglect towardsour deceased parents. I believe firmly that whenever we come to Christ uponrealisation of our sin and failures, we will find forgiveness in Him. And so ifyou have experiences of guilt, hesitate not to flee to Christ at all, weepbefore Him for your negligence, but doubt not that He has forgiven as soon asyou have poured your hearts to Him. But for those of us whose parents are stillliving, let us take heed to do what is required of us cheerfully. Let none ofus tempt God by thinking that we can escape any neglect simply by rationalisingthat we can find forgiveness when the time comes (Rom 6:1ff).

In the second place, if we have done what we could, given the limitations ofour providential circumstances and limitations, then we need not feel guilteven if our parents should perish in unbelief. Neither need we question why Godhas not allowed them to live a little longer that we may have moreopportunities to bring the gospel to them. Always remember that God hasdetermined the eternal destiny of every person from all eternity, and He hasalso appointed their time of death (Ecc 3:2; Heb 9:27). Before our parents die,we do not know if they have been elected of God, and so we must make everyeffort to seek their salvation. But once our parents depart, then even if theydepart in unbelief, we must acquiesce to the will of God. Yes, it is natural togrieve, but we must not let guilt overwhelm us, for salvation is ultimately inthe hands of the Lord.

In the third place, if our parents were to die in the faith, then albeit thefeeling of lost, we must be thankful to the Lord that they are brought into thecomfortable presence of Christ to be with Him for all eternity. We must notweep unduly as though we do not believe that they are in a far better place(see 1 Thessalonians 4:13).

Conclusion

Although under normal circumstances, it is a general principle that “thechildren ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children”(2 Cor 12:14), yet it is good and acceptable before God for children to“requite their parents” (1 Tim 5:4). All of us owe our parents a great debt,and so we ought to study how to requite their kindness towards us. Has the Lordblessed us with salvation and a greater light of the gospel? Woe are we if wehide the light in a bushel or sound an uncertain trumpet with our unchristianattitudes and manner of life. May the Lord grant us courage and wisdom,therefore, to show love and care in tangible and spiritual means towards thesewho have been instruments of the Lord for our nurture from infancy.

—JJ Lim