CHARITY versus DISCERNMENT

“Excuse me, sir, will you please help me,” the young lady pleaded. She soundeddesperate and look pathetic. “I was beaten up by my husband and chased out ofthe house with my baby. We have no food and no money. I don’t know what to do.”

We had just moved from Walesto London to take up the pastorate in New LifeBPC, (London).We were parked in front of the entrance of the church building and Elder Khoowas there to help us. But we had many boxes of books, and the distance from thefront of the church to the manse was at least 300 metres (I think). Elder Khoostarted carrying the boxes. He was strong for his age. But I felt bad, and wasafraid that he might hurt his back. But here was a young mother desperate forhelp, and Elder Khoo had started the long trek down the aisle of the worshiphall. I wanted to invite her in, but I had heard enough about the crime rate inLondon to becautious.

“Where’s your baby?” I queried.

“I left her with my sister.”

“Can’t your sister help?”

“No, she has nothing too. You see,she was living with me and we both had to leave. Will you please help us?”

“How may we help?”

“Well, could you give me some moneyto buy food…?”

Having encountered beggars before, I was very wary when someone asks for money.I did not want to give, and so I suggested that we give her some food: a loafof bread, a gallon of milk and some canned food, which we brought down from Wales. She tookthem and was about to leave when she said, “Could you please give me some moneyto buy a can of infant milk as my daughter is allergic to cow’s milk.” I wantedto turn her off. But what if she’s genuine? It was getting dark and cold, and Ihad no time to talk further since I did not want Elder Khoo to carry all theboxes to the manse. I asked her to write down her address and made her promiseto come to the church on the Lord’s Day. She scribbled something reluctantly,mumbling as she did, that she did not know how long she would be there. I gaveher £5 and watched as she walked off to the convenience store.

She did not turn up on the Sabbath. And her address was non-existent. A coupleof weeks later, my wife and I were coming out of the tube station when wenoticed a pregnant lady begging for used day-travel tickets (either for sale orfor illegal re-use). My wife immediate recognised her to be the same woman whohad begged us for help earlier. She was certainly not pregnant when we met hera couple of weeks ago, now she looked like she was 6 or 7 months pregnant!

We were later to confirm with the students in the church that she has beenbegging around the area for some time. We resolved then never to give a singlecent to those who come begging, whom we perceive to be simply refusing to work.

And this was not the last case of con-begging we encountered in our stay. Onefamily came with stories of being chased by Irish Mafia. Elder Khoo and I,despite being cautious, were taken in because they brought a small child alongand even brought us to where they stayed. We offered to buy their provisions,and soon discovered at the convenience store that they were not really inpoverty, but were out to cheat. The storeowner seemed to know, but said nothingas Elder Khoo and I were busily taking out from their basket luxury items thatthey had put in. Yet another man claimed he had not eaten for days, anddemanded that it was his right to be given food and money by the church. Butwhen offered some food, he chose what he liked to eat and left everything else.Yet another man came regularly pretending to seek counsel, but in a round aboutway asked for money. We learned, through our numerous encounters with this manespecially, that we must never give money or offer to buy their provision orloan them any money, because they would never repay loans, and they would usethe money to buy cigarettes and beer, and would trade food we gave them forthese things.

These encounters hardened our hearts against believing the stories of strangerstoo easily. Never had we encountered so many beggars and downright liars.

When we left London, we thought it would be the end of these encounters. Butno. Here, we encountered an elderly Australian man with an Indonesian wife, whoclaimed to have lost his wallet and needed some money. His story was soconvincing we gave him a small sum, of which he promised to return when he gothome. Well, a year has passed since we met him. Then we are told of a man whogoes about churches to borrow money and uses the money to visit prostitutes.Then there was a supposed East German refugee who speaks perfect English withplenty of profanity. He claimed he was robbed in Malaysia, of all hisbelongings, and came down to Singapore by bus because his visa expired. Heclaimed to be a believer, but was sorely disappointed because many churches hadturned him away when he approached them for help. He had a fantastic storywhich was almost consistent, but who would believe him when he smelled like hehad been drinking. Well, he claimed that he hated beer and cannot afford beer.Perhaps it was body odour because he had not changed for a few days. What do wedo? What if he was genuinely in need and we did not show hospitality?

Charity and its Pitfalls

The Lord teaches us: “freely ye have received, freely give” (Mt 10:8), and Heteaches us in the parable of the Good Samaritan (Lk 10:30–37) that we ought toshow compassion to those in need. Indeed, in the parable of the Sheep and Goats(Mt 25:31–46), He teaches us that when we help a stranger who is naked, hungryand thirsty, that we do it to Him; and when we fail to help, we fail to do goodto Him. Then again, Paul teaches us to “[distribute] to the necessity ofsaints; [and to be] given to hospitality” (Rom 12:13); and Peter reminds us, to“use hospitality one to another without grudging” (1 Pet 4:9); and the writerof Hebrew exhorts us: “Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for therebysome have entertained angels unawares” (Heb 13:2).

How then can we not be compassionate to strangers? Not only are we commanded tobe compassionate, but having been shown compassion by the Lord though wedeserve nothing, how could we harden our hearts to those in need? It is perhapsfor this reason that Christians are particularly credulous when it comes to theneeds of strangers who come to us.

And this is perhaps the reason why Christians are particularly the target ofcon-beggars, so that many of us have been cheated rather naively over and overagain.

Does it really matter that we have been cheated? Well, it does not matter inthat they involve temporal losses on our part on account of our goodintentions. But it does really matter from another perspective.

In the first place, we ought to be good stewards of thematerial blessings which God bestows upon us by His providence. The amount thatwe give to these con-beggars could be better utilised to help those who arereally in need, rather than those who would squander them on vices.

In the second place, when we give indiscriminately, we notonly encourage liars to continue cheating (contra Ninth Commandment) andpersist in laziness (contra Eighth Commandment and 2 Thessalonians 3:10), butfeed their sinful habits (cf. Prov 29:12). I remember many years ago beingembarrassed, saddened and angered after giving some financial help to a youngman whom I saw to be in need, I saw him sitting alone on a bench, staring inblank space, and appearing to be in deep thoughts. I approached him and beganto tell him about Christ. As I spoke, he appeared to react rather emotionallyas tears brimmed his eyes. He acknowledged that he was a sinner and neededChrist. I prayed with him. Later, as we sat there, he told me that he wassitting on the bench alone because his mother was coughing very badly and hecould not afford to bring her to a doctor. Well, to cut the long story short, Iwas moved by his plight and gave him the money I had in my wallet. He promisedto meet me in church on Sunday. He never turned up.

A few weeks passed, and one day, I received a call from the man I met. Hewanted to borrow some money from me. He had forgotten the stories he told me.They were all lies. Later, I described the appearance of the man to a friendwho was an ex-drug addict, and he confirmed, based on what I told him, that Ihad probably met a drug addict and that he must have used the money for hisnext “fix.”

In the third place, the Name of Christ can sometimes bebrought into disrepute because of our undiscerning acts of kindness. Severalyears ago, a Chinese national appeared in a large church in Singapore. Heclaimed to be a communist cadre member who used to spy on Christians, but wasconverted after hearing the Gospel through the pulpit ministry in the churchhere. He was given hospitality accommodation in the church, and his needs wereprovided for. Joyfully, he claimed to have read the Bible through few timesjust within a week or so after he professed Christ, and he even asked to bebaptised. Shortly after his baptism, he had to go back to China. Many membersof the church gave him generous monetary support, and the church also gave himboxes of books and Bibles to distribute when he got home. Well, months later,Chinese nationals begin appearing at the church demanding accommodation. Eachof them had paid something like 2,000 Yuan to the man who came earlier becausehe had promised them free accommodations and job opportunities in Singapore.The police had to be called in on at least one occasion to restrain the angryoutbursts of these men when they discovered that they had been cheated and thechurch would not provide for them. I wonder what these men thought and feltabout Christ and His church from then on.

Sometimes, good intentions can backfire. In this case, as with numerous others,it did. I dare not count the number of times when someone came to me withpitiful stories to tug at my heart strings, and I had been taken in despitebeing wary. I dare say that unless I resolve to deal with each person who comesto me for help with some definite unwavering principles, that I will have manymore occasions of being cheated. Con-beggars are getting more and moresophisticated. They know the softness of the hearts of Christians, and theyknow how to manipulate them.

Principles of Discernment

In considering some principles of discernment when it comes to encounters withstrangers who come to us for monetary help, it is important for us to begin byrealising that not every person who comes asking for money is necessarilyfraudulent. However, experience teaches us that very few who are generally inneed of help will ask for money instead of food. Personally, of the numerouscases I have encountered and given help, I have hardly been able to ascertainthat any one of them was a genuine need. In some cases, I have discovered, tomy sadness, that I had been taken in to lies; while in other cases, I have noway of knowing the truth or falsity of the stories. There was only one instancewhere I am sure the man who asked was in real need (i.e., not spending onvices, etc.); and this man was not asking for monetary helps,but for the opportunity to work for food. The sincerity of this man wasattested by the fact that though he was suffering from some disability in hisleg, he was still willing to work for food. More yet, when I offered to givehim some financial help, he initially refused and offered to wash my car forme. And not only so, but he began to tell me about the grace of the Lord JesusChrist!

In the second place, we should realise that the Scripture does not demand thatwe help everyone who comes along asking us for help. In the case of the parableof the Good Samaritan, as well as the parable of the Sheep and Goats, the needsof the individuals are unmistakable. We must certainly help without anyhesitation when it is within our capacity to help when we see someone in need. Nowhere in the Scriptures are we taught to believe the words ofevery stranger who comes to us. In fact, I believe that most of us have ahigher view of man than does the Word of God. Most of us are very ready toascribe honesty to strangers who come to us, whereas the Scripture speaks ofman as being naturally liars (cf. Ps 58:3, Rom 3:12–13). This fact ought tocause us to be wise as serpent (and harmless as doves) in the midst of wolves(Mt 10:16), rather than being taken in by falsehood because of our credulity.

In the third place, we should note that although the Lord teaches us to becompassionate to all without distinction (Mt 5:43–48), we are not required torender help and hospitality without distinction. Yes, we must always helpsomeone in need even if he be our enemy, but no, we are not called to refrainfrom distinguishing between believers and unbelievers. When we haveopportunity, we are to “do good unto all men,” but “especially unto them whoare of the household of faith” (Gal 6:10). We must especially render assistanceto those we know to be believers. Thus, even in the Lord’s parable of Sheep andGoats, the sheep are commended not because of any good works that they haddone, but good works done to believers (see Matthew 25:40,note the phrase, “my brethren”). Thus, Paul does not teach us to distribute tothe necessity of everyone who comes to us, but only to the saints;and similarly Peter does not require us to show hospitality to everyone,but to one another (1 Pet 4:9). This does not mean that wecannot and should not entertain strangers since the writer of Hebrews teachesus not to be forgetful to entertain strangers (Heb 13:2). But it does mean thatit is right and proper for us to ascertain if a man is a brother in Christ inour assessment on whether to render assistance, especially when the assistanceneeded may be substantial. Indeed, the Apostle John commends only hospitalitytowards believers and not to all strangers. In 3 John 5, he commends Gaius forhis hospitality with the words: “Beloved, thou doest faithfully whatsoever thoudoest to the brethren, and to strangers.” Now the phrase “and to strangers”must not be taken to mean any strangers, because verse 7 speaks of them goingforth for Christ’s Name’s sake. In other words, the word “and” may also berender “even,” so that John is saying, “Thou doest faithfully whatsoever thoudoest to the brethren, even to strangers” (3 Jn 5). Thisthought is confirmed in 2 John 9–11 where John suggests that anyone who bids aperson, who does not abide in the doctrine of Christ, God speed, is a partakerof his evil deeds. Of course, John was specifically talking about heretics (v.7), but his instruction teaches us that we are not to offer hospitalityindiscriminately.

In the current decadence of society, it is often very difficult to ascertain ifsomeone who comes to us for help is genuinely in need. It appears that more andmore con-beggars are realising that churches are easy targets, and so we arelikely to encounter more of them. The balance between charity and discernmentis a difficult one. But I would propose several guidelines in view of theprinciples and observations above: Firstly, I would propose we refrain fromgiving monetary help as far as possible. Consider giving food instead, ifnecessary. Secondly, I would propose we seek to know if the person is acredible believer: not that we should turn away unbelievers, but that it willhelp us better ascertain the truth or falsity of the stranger’s claims. Andmoreover, we should be more ready to help believers, and also make it a pointto tell unbelieving strangers of the danger that attends their soul and theimportance of seeking salvation in Christ. Thirdly, I would propose that wherethere is any doubt as to whether a person is genuinely in need, to refer him toa couple of other persons (say the diaconate) for their assessment. Fourthly,always seek to verify any claims, such as having been robbed, etc. Fifthly, incase where it is difficult to ascertain the truth of a person’s claims (andthere is little to indicate falsity), and there is no opportunity to verify,that we render help only if after prayer, we do not have peace of consciencefor not extending help. I say this only because we must never sin against ourconscience. But bear in mind that the modus operandi ofcon-beggars is to tug at our heart strings and play with our conscience. Thus,I would add that should we refuse to help because the story of a stranger isnot verifiable, we need only to commit our decision to the Lord and need not feelguilty for being unhelpful. The Lord knows our hearts and our dilemma.

Conclusion

To help or not to help? That is the question. It may seem unchristian not toextend help when someone comes to us pleading for assistance. But as we haveseen, more often than not, in affluent societies, such as London, Singapore orUnited States, strangers asking for monetary assistance are not genuinely inneed. Trying to be helpful to such persons according to their terms may be themost unhelpful thing for them. On the other hand, rebuking them sharply (Tit1:12–13) may be the most helpful thing we could do for them.

Let us therefore be discerning about whom we help and how we help. One day, allsin shall cease, and we shall no more have to deal with con-beggars. But then,neither will we ever need to help anyone anymore, for all in Christ will beperfected and all pain, sorrow and want will be no more. So let us not cease tobe spontaneously helpful to all who need help, and so bear a good testimony inthe Name of Christ. But let us ask the Lord for discernment when strangerssolicit our help, lest we encourage sin because of our credulity.

—J.J. Lim