BiblicalAnger Management

Anger is an emotion that is as old as the history of fallen man.Although it is not recorded in the Scripture, it is conceivable that the firstever exchange of angry words in a quarrel were between Adam and Eve—especiallyafter the way Adam blamed Eve for giving him the forbidden fruit (Gen 1:12).Since then, anger had relentlessly infected practically every human being havecause much pain and divisions. Cain slew Abel in a fit of jealousy and anger(Gen 4). Anger and strife was responsible for Abraham’s parting with Lot (Gen 13). Esau’s anger with Jacob forced him to flee(Gen 27). Levi and Simeon slaughtered the Shechemites because Shechem theirprince defiled their sister Dinah (Gen 34). Joseph was thrown into prisonbecause Potiphar was angry, having heard his wife’s report (Gen 39). Even themeekest of man, Moses, was not spared: for he smote the rock in a fit of anger,and was thus refused entry into the promise land (Num 20:10-11).

Several thousand years have gone by since the beginning, but thespread and influence of anger shows no sign of abating. On the contrary itappears to be fuelled by the complexity and pressure of modern society. Itspares no effort in breaking many a family today—including Christian families.It has been manifested in childish fights and violence on the road. It hasbrought nations to war and have caused many a church to split.

If anger is so destructive, should we not spare all efforts to getrid of it. Why do we talk about managing it? The answer is threefold. Firstly,Calvin is surely right when he says: "anger is a disease hard tocure." Indeed, it is doubtful if anyone can be completely cured of it.Secondly, anger is not always sinful since our Lord who knew no sin was angryon several occasions. Anger is a necessarily response of rational beings aslong as sin exists. It has its proper use in calling attention to the severityof sin. This is alluded to in Proverbs 25:23 "The north wind driveth awayrain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue." Righteous angeris always objectively reasonable. Such was the anger recorded of our Lordagainst the unbelieving Jews (e.g. Mk 3:5; Jn 2:14-16); of Jacob against Labanwho cheated him (Gen 31:36); of Moses against Pharaoh (Ex 11:8) and against theJews because of the hardness of their hearts (e.g. Ex 32:19) and of Nehemiahagainst the rich who oppressed the poor (Neh 5:6) and against the Jews who hadmarried pagan wives (Neh 13:25). To put it in another way: righteous angeralways has to do with a zeal for God’s Name and God’s Law. Sinful anger, on theother hand is unreasonable and selfish. As such, anger against nature orprovidence is always sinful. Thirdly, righteous anger can become sinful if itis excessive or protracted. Paul was referring to justifiable or righteousanger in Ephesians 4:26-27 "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun godown upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil." Solomon puts verygraphically and yet so clearly: "He that hath no rule over his own spiritis like a city that is broken down, and without walls" (Prov 25:28).

Anger must, therefore, be properly managed lest it become occasionfor sin. It is probably with this dictum in mind that book of Proverbs whichcontains many instruction on dealing with anger does not make a distinctionabout righteous and sinful anger. Both must be managed in roughly the same way.

How should we manage anger?

Prevention is Better thanCure

Foremost, it must be noted that prevention is better than cure!This is so fundamental and yet so frequently neglected. But how can we preventanger? Proverbs suggests a most effective way: avoid a hot tempered person!"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and anangry woman" (Prov 21:19). "Make no friendship with an angry man; andwith a furious man thou shalt not go" (Prov 22:24; see also Prov 22:10).

Of course, this is not always possible, and we are so often caughtin angry situations without having the least suspicion that we were headingtowards it. And so often anger arise out of circumstances which does notinvolve another person. So how should you handle yourself in a potentiallyexplosive situation, whether you are angry or someone else is angry with you?Let me suggest 4 principles:

Do not Bottle-Up

First of all, a glaring silence about the manner of handling angermust be noted, and that is handling anger by pretending not to be angry or bysimply ignoring the cause of anger. Jay E. Adams, the Reformed noutheticcounselling authority, calls this internalizationor bottling-Up, and the Apostle Paul suggests that it is an undesirable wayof handling anger when he says "let not the sun go down upon your wrath:" (Eph 4:26b). The reason why this is not this is not a good way ofhandling anger is that anger does not normally dissipate completely by itself.Rather it often results in bitterness and resentment and if we do not ceasefrom anger, we may begin to sin even if our anger was righteous. Anger is sucha difficult emotion to control, and we sometimes act rashly when we are angry.So that if we continue to simmer in anger, Satan could take advantage of ouranger to further his cause. So Paul tells us "neither give place to thedevil" (Eph 4:27).

Be Not Quick to Anger

Secondly, if anger cannot be avoid, then a delay may help:"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that rulethhis spirit than he that taketh a city" (Prov 16:32). Indeed, not all of usfind it easy to be slow to anger. Some of us have dispositions that are moreexplosive and others more mild and slow to react. But let not anyone of usclaim that we cannot control our anger. The fact is that can control it if weare determine to. If phone rang when you are angry with your spouse, you willchange our tone immediately, won’t you? If you happen to be in the office, youtend not to give full vent of your anger, is it not? This about why this is so.But whatever the case may be, it is clear that you can control your anger andmust do so. Besides, Proverbs does have some good advice for those of us whoare more quick-tempered. For example, we are taught to defer our anger:"The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to passover a transgression" (Prov 19:11); and to restraint our tongue whether wefeel we are right or wrong: "Seestthou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than ofhim" (Prov 29:20). "A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise mankeepeth it in till afterwards" (Prov 29:11). "The heart of therighteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evilthings" (Prov 15:28).

When we speak our minds in conflict situations, we usually givefull vent of our anger, and so the situation is greatly worsen. Hasty words areoften hurting words which are difficult to retract. Therefore it is wise tocontrol yourself and speak your mind only when all parties have calmed down. Bythen, you may find the matter so trifling that it is not worth being angryabout or it might even be possible for you to pass over a transgression, so thatyou can calmly say to the offending party: "I forgive you."

What can you do to defer your anger? Well, counting to 10 or 100is helpful for some, but I find it much better to pray. Pray until your initialanger has dissipated. Pray for humility and for the Lord’s forgiveness if youhad reacted wrongly. Pray for the person you are angry with or who is angrywith you. Meditate on how the Lord has forgiven you though deserve His wrath.Years ago, my brother and I had a fight. I was a very new Christian then, butthe Lord enabled me to pause to think and to pray. In the end I humbly went tomy brother, who is younger than me, to apologise to him and to suggest that wepray together. More than 10 years have gone by and we have never so much asquarrelled since then.

Control Your Reaction

Thirdly, maintain your composure at all times and make adetermined effort to speak in a controlled manner: "He that hath no ruleover his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls"(Prov 25:28). How should this be done? Listen to Solomon: "A soft answerturneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger" (Prov 15:1).Speaking softly is a great help in an angry situation. Angry words beget angrywords. Avoid lifting up yourself. Speak softly and humbly (see Prov 30:32-33).Be contrite even if you think that you are right because proud words forceswrath, or stirs anger just as churning of milk produces butter.

Do Not Allow Anger toPersist & Grow.

Finally, remember that anger will only heighten if not checkedquickly: "The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water:therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with [i.e. before it growsout of control]" (Prov 17:14). So, do what you can to prevent anger fromdeveloping further. Learn to apologise. Saying ‘sorry’ often ends the quarrel.Learn to say "sorry" even if you think you are primarily right.Remember that in almost every angry situations both parties would be wrong tosome degree. Try it! Aim to be the first to do so. Giving a gift is anotherexcellent way: "A gift in secret pacifieth anger" (Prov 21:14).

Conclusion

Anger is a very natural human response to anything that may bedispleasing to us. But selfish and unreasonable anger is always sinful andshould be repented of. And justifiable anger if not handled properly tends tolead to sin too. Such anger between believers provide grounds for the devil andunbelievers to blaspheme against the Lord since we bear His Name. Anger isindeed a disease hard to cure. It could a long time of growing in godlinessbefore visible signs of improvement can be discernible. But do not take acomplacent attitude. Part of working out your salvation involves managing yourtemper. Sanctification is no doubt the work of God, but you have a responsibilityto heed the instructions given in His Word. Yes, I know it is not going to beeasy for many of us. It is difficult enough to be obedient to the Word of Godunder normal circumstances, how much more difficult it is when ire has arisenin our hearts.

Indeed, as I reviewed this article for publication in our weekly,I feel like a hypocrite, because I can think of so many instances over the lastweek in which I had been angry both unjustifiably and inordinately. I haddisciplined my eldest son in anger and spoken to him in a tone and volumeunbecoming of a Christian. I had been angry irrationally when my second soncried incessantly. To add to that misery, I became aware that some of what Ihave said and done have become occasions for angry outbursts among thoseaffected by my actions. What do I do under such unhappy situations? I thank Godfirst of all for the Lord Jesus Christ, for I am made aware of the ugliness ofsin and the corruption of nature. And I am reminded to pray constantly:"Lord, lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil."Besides, I learn also to pray: "Lord, grant that my words and action maynot become occasion for sin in the hands of those who know me or hear me. Grantme a sensitive and caring heart in my relationship with others." But mostof all, I was prompted to read this article again that I may be reminded tomanage my passions when the situations demands it. I trust that this articlewill also have some use to you. May the Lord help us to bear His name worthily.Amen.