BALANCING BETWEEN WORK AND FAMILY

Living the Christian life in a fast-paced society such as modern Singapore is anart rather than a science. If it were a science, we would simply need to followsome fixed procedures and all will be well. But the reality is that it is neverso straightforward. Although the Word of God does give us numerous instructionsand principles on how we ought to conduct ourselves, most of us still struggleconstantly with our duties. Yes, if the Law of God were merely negative, andsin is only the transgression of the Law of God, many of us may be tempted tothink, at the end of the day, that we have not sinned. But the Law of God isalso positive, and sin is both a transgression of the Law and a want ofconformity unto the Law of God. It is in the arena of positive duty that mostof us fail miserably. It is in this aspect of our Christian life that most ofus struggle most intensely. For sure, this struggle will remain while we livein this world. It is a sign of spiritual life, that there is any struggle atall; and it is a biblical fact that we will never be perfect in this life (1 Jn1:8). Only Christ our Mediator and Substitute was able to live perfectly, andit is by His perfection that we are saved.

Notwithstanding, God does call us to perfection (see Matthew 5:48; 2Corinthians 7:1; 13:11; Colossians 4:12), and gives us the means towards thatend, namely His Word (2 Tim 3:17). Theoretically, if we are able to obey theWord of God perfectly, in every sphere of our lives, we will be perfect. But inreality, just to obey the Word of God outwardly can be a struggle even for themost godly saint living under the present circumstances because his time,energy and resources are limited. This being so, there is often a competitionof interests among the different spheres of his life, so that he cannot beperfect in any sphere. This is why we talk about balancing.

The typical Singaporean Christian man spends most of his time at home and atwork, and so it is crucial, as we walk our pilgrim journey, to seek the balancebetween family and work.

This balance is obviously difficult to find. But unless we seek to find it withsome biblical principles, we will constantly be groping around, stumbling andwondering why our lives seem so disorganised, full of frustrations and failedexpectations. This is what this article is about. We want to discover someprinciples for finding the balance between work and family.

Principle #1: BiblicalBalance is Indefinite

This is a fundamental point. If we are looking for a mathematical or biblicalstatement on what is the proper balance between work and family, we will notfind it. Indeed, it is also practically impossible for any family to claim thatthey have achieved a biblical balance, because in some sense it is impossibleto define what is the balance: at least, not measurably nor objectively.

We may say that the balance between family and work is found when we are fullysatisfied that we can answer with a clear conscience to the Lord concerning ourresponsibilities as they pertain to our role in society (or of making a living)and our role at home. As you can imagine, this balance will differ from personto person, and family to family. But as a rough indicator, we would know thatwe are far from a proper balance if we are properly instructed concerning ourroles in the two spheres and yet feel that we are neglecting one at the expenseof the other.

If things are so fuzzy and subjective, why do we talk about a balance? We talkabout a balance not only because we can see and experience the effect ofimbalance in our lives, and also because God has given us a conscience by whichwe know whether we have fallen short. And the conscience of the Christian,having been enlightened by the Holy Spirit and being instructed by the Word ofGod, is especially acute to see his failures. Thus, a Spirit-filled believerwho is constantly aware of his union to Christ and the Lordship of Christ willever desire after a Christian walk that is in-step with the Spirit of Christ.

Principle #2: BiblicalDuties are Absolutes

While the biblical balance may appear to be subjective and elusive, the dutiesthat are required of us are in no way uncertain.

When the Word of God prescribes duties, they are prescribed unconditionally andwithout regards to situation. Unless there is a physical disability to do whatis commanded, to fail to do is to sin against God.

This is one point we must bear in mind at the onset if we are ever going tofind the biblical balance between work and family. If we do not remindourselves that God’s demands are absolute, we will be tempted to justify ourfault and think that the imbalance in our lives is not that bad after all. Andso we will be less inclined to take positive steps to correcting the situationin our lives, even when we detect an obvious imbalance.

On the other hand, knowing that God’s requirements are absolute, and that thebalance between family and work involves loving obedience to God’s commands inrespect to these spheres, will cause the child of God to seek to know thesecommands and to do them.

Principle #3: Husbandsand Wives have Different Biblical Roles

The Word of God is very clear when it comes to the duties that are required ofhusbands and wives, or fathers and mothers, in the Christian home. The husbandor father is the pilot, policeman, provider and pastor in the home. As thepilot, he steers the family ship and is responsible for all the major decisionsof the family and the welfare of every member in the home. He must take thelead in maintaining the balance in the home. He must make the decisions. As thepoliceman, he is ultimately responsible for the discipline in the home. As theprovider, he must bring in the daily sustenance necessary for the family. Asthe pastor, he is responsible for the spiritual welfare of his family throughthe maintenance of religion at home. He must call the family to worship andinstruct the family on the Word of God. A very heavy responsibility is placedon the husband and father. He is the one who must take responsibility if thebalance between work and family is not right.

What about the wife? The wife is to be an help-meet. She is to support herhusband. According to the Scripture (e.g., Tit 2:4–5), she should be ahomemaker, or at least be giving a lot of priority to looking after the home,her children and her husband. Now, although she is not the leader in the home,she has a crucial contribution to the degree of balance between work and familyin her home. Remember that marriage is a partnership, indeed more than apartnership.

One of the fundamental biblical concepts concerning marriage is that thehusband and wife are to cleave together and be one flesh (Gen 2:24). In somesense, they are regarded by God no longer as two individuals, but as one. Theyare heirs together of the grace of life (1 Pet 3:7). The balance between familyand work must therefore be found in the teamwork between husband and wife,according to their different roles.

When we bear this in mind, we will realise that it is hardly possible for afamily to walk along the balance of work and family when both are working tosupport the family.

It is the duty of the father to train the children and to bring them up in thenurture and admonition of the Lord. But if the father fails, it does not onlyreflect upon him, neither is he guilty alone. Remember that the father is alsoresponsible for being the provider of the home, so his time is limited. If thewife is not supporting her husband, it would be near impossible for him tofulfil his role.

Principle #4: Time isLimited

It is always useful to rethink how we use our time. God has given us six daysto do our work (Ex 20:9). This does not mean that we must engage inmoney-making activities for six solid days in the week, else we all sin if wework five days a week! What it means is that one day in seven is the Lord’sDay: the day belonging to the Lord (Ex 20:8). This day must be reserved forcorporate worship and all things that pertain to our eternal life, except foracts of necessity, mercy and emergency. Six days are appointed for our own use.Six days means 144 hours. These 144 hours are for us to manage. We may use themto work to make a living (i.e., we sell our time away), to sleep, to rest, toengage in recreation, to worship privately and as families, to instruct thefamily, etc.

All things being equal, the use of these 144 hours may be seen as a measurable,though rough, indicator of the balance between work and family. This is not anideal indicator as there are such things as quality time and time wasted. But apurposeful use of our time will certainly form the basis of returning to aproper balance between work and family.

Is it not true that so often, we feel guilty that we have not spent enough timeat home or at work because we have squandered our time away? Because time islimited, some things must be forgone.

One of the great scourges of the church in our generation is the Television.Televisions are great time wasters. Someone called it the devil’s schoolbox.Well, I do not think it is always bad. It is a useful tool for documentariesand news. But I do think there is a lot of truth in the assertion that the TVis the devil’s schoolbox, for it steals our time from laying up treasures inheaven and teaches our children to be evil, by evil examples paraded as good.

If we are serious about striking a biblical balance in the use of our time, wewill not want to remain ignorant of the fact that the TV is often a footholdfor Satan to destroy our homes. Taking a positive step towards building a godlyfamily may mean for some of us, more discipline in the use of the TV, so thatwhen there is a choice between family worship or some meaningful activity, andthe TV, that we will choose the former. For others, it may mean getting rid ofthe TV altogether.

Beyond that, it is wise to manage the limited time that the family can havetogether prudently. Activities which interfere with the growth of the familyshould be reduced. For example, many young families would go back to theirparents’ homes for meals. This will drastically reduce the time that the familyhave alone: You cannot just eat and then leave! Time together must be highlyvalued so that as far as possible, the extra-familial commitments of the familyshould be planned not to coincide with the time when other members of thefamily are likely to be at home. A father who regularly goes out to play golfon Saturday when the rest of the family is available is not using his timeresponsibly. The same may be said of a mother who does her laundry and ironingwhen everyone in the family is available for family building activities.

Principle #5: It isHelpful to Demarcate our Time between Family and Work

It is a biblical principle to do well in all that the Lord calls us to do.Solomon, writing under inspiration, puts it this way: “Whatsoever thy handfindeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, norknowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest” (Ecc 9:10). TheApostle Paul gives this injunction a Christological significance: “Andwhatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowingthat of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye servethe Lord Christ” (Col 3:23–24).

But our time is limited, and so sometimes when we perceive that we did not haveenough time to do our work well in the office, we will be tempted to bring workhome to do. Now, when that happens, it will be extremely difficult to work onany balance between work and family at all. It is like someone trying to sortout a crate that contains oranges and apples, but as he does so, heoccasionally cast the apples to the box containing oranges and vice versa.

Fundamental to working on a balance between family and work, therefore, is anattempt not to allow work to intrude into your family hours. We do not say, notto allow family matters to intrude into working hours simply because most of ussimply do not have the problem, whereas many of us take our family for grantedand so bring our work home to do or we work longer hours than necessary.

Principle #6: The FamilyMust be Given Priority

When we talk about the balance between family and work, it may be tempting tothink that we should give equal time and priority to both. Well, I do not thinkso. I believe the family should be given priority so that if there is aconflict of interest between the family and work, the family must come first.

I say this: Firstly, because the family is for life while workserves mainly as the means of sustenance for the family for a period oftime. Secondly, while work forms a contrasting backdrop for theconcept of salvific and eternal rest in Christ, the family is God’s appointedillustration of the relationship between Christ and His Church. In some sense,work is to the Law as the family is to the Gospel. Both are necessary, but thelatter is the goal. Thirdly, while work often provides theopportunity for Christian witness, the family is one of the most important ofGod’s appointed means for enlarging the Church. Experience shows us that it isin the Christian home that the most faithful and fruitful of Christ’s sheep arenurtured.

Now we say all these not to implicate that work is not important. Rather, weare saying that contrary to our cultural expectation, career must not takepriority over the family. You can rebuild your career if for some reason itcrumbles, but it is far, far more difficult to restore your family to aChrist-honouring one if it crumbles. If you fail in your career, you willlikely be the only one directly affected for a time; if you fail in yourfamily, every member in your family will be affected for life and perhaps foreternity. Yes, the temptation will be great to give priority to your careerbecause it is visible to the world, and there are immediate returns to enjoy,but would you not do what is right in the sight of God?

Principle #7: Godlinessand Contentment are Indispensable

The Apostle Paul teaches us: “But godliness with contentment is great gain” (1Tim 6:6). This principle is known by every Christian. But unfortunately, it isnot easily held to in reality in competitive Singapore.

Is it really of necessity to keep the job to work very long hours every day, oris it because a failure to work long hours may mean lower promotion prospect?Is it really necessary for the wife to work, or is it because our personalstandard of living and expenses are simply too high? Is it simply prudence andplanning to relocate and live near a good school so that our children may havea higher chance of being granted a place in the school? Is it for the good ofour children and the church that we allow them to take this or that CCA, orforce them to learn music and dances?

Some of these things may not be wrong, but I am afraid that many of ourdecisions are made on the basis of covetousness and ‘kiasuism’ ratherthan godliness and contentment. I am afraid that many of us are not only in theworld, but of the world, when it comes to the way we use ourtime and manage our families.

How to walk along the tight rope of balance between work and family? I believewe must first begin by taking a hard look at our lives to see if we are trulycontent, and whether our decisions are made on godly principles or are wedrifting with the tide and expectations of the world. How can we possibly havea biblical balance between work and family, if we are living according to theprinciples of the world?

God has only given us a limited amount of time, energy and resources, to liveour pilgrim lives until we enter heaven’s portals to begin a new lifealtogether. We do not have the time, energy and resources to live two lives.

Often it is between having a very successful career and a godly family. I prayyou choose a godly family. If you are a five-talent man, yes, you may have avery successful career and a godly family at the same time. But most of us aretwo-talent men. We must not compare ourselves with others. Now, if we can onlydo very well in one, I pray it is going to be our family and church, ratherthan money and enjoyment. Yes, in regards to our work, we must perform heartilyas unto the Lord; but can we say,—with a clear conscience,—that we are workingheartily unto the Lord when we are neglecting the family that Christ has givenus? Let none of us hide our covetousness under the guise of bearing a goodtestimony for Christ at work. We will either love the world and hate Christ, orlove Christ and hate the world. I trust that every true child of God will knowthe mind of Christ and so gravitate to the biblical balance between work andfamily.

Conclusion

The biblical balance between work and family is not easily expressed in words,not to mention in actual practice. Each one of us must seek the Lord’s wisdomand the illumination of the Holy Spirit in order to put the biblical principleswe know into practice. When we do so, we will realise that the balance that theworld talks about is quite different from what the Word of God teaches us. Theworld speaks about achievement in the world and about good feelings in thislife; but the Word of God speaks about laying up treasures in heaven andmanifesting and cultivating the love of Christ. The world tends to givepriority to career, but the Word urges us to give priority to family. But then,the world walks in bondage to Satan, along the broad road; while the obedientchild of God walks with Christ along the narrow road of freedom that leads tolife.

May the Lord grant us help and strength to so walk that we may best glorify HisName and in the process, prepare ourselves and our families for our eternalhome.

—J.J. Lim