THE PROBLEM OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Some years ago, I was asked to recommend a topic for a seminar to be conductedby a fellowship group. When I broached the subject of “self-esteem,” a dearsister immediately exclaimed that it was an excellent suggestion. She was ateacher, and apparently she was having great difficulties encouraging some ofher students who were having problems with low self-esteem. Her enthusiasm,however, very quickly fizzled out when I revealed to her that I did not believethat low self-esteem was a real problem.

At that time, I had not read much about the subject. It was just that the Biblecondemns pride so strongly (e.g., Prov 6:16–17; 8:12–13; 16:5; 21:4), and urgeshumility in so many places (e.g., Ps 138:6; Prov 16:19; 22:4; Mt 5:3; Rom 12:3,16; Phil 2:3; Col 3:12; 1 Pet 5:5; etc.), that it was hard to imagine how lowself-esteem could be a problem.

Yet, amazingly, when I have had occasions to talk to parents and teachers aboutthe issue of self-esteem, it appeared that many actually believe that one ofthe major problems faced by young people in Singapore, be it in school or inchurch, is that of low self-esteem.

Origin of Self-Esteem Culture

How did this idea of self-esteem become so widespread? In addition to thefoundations set by anti-theistic and humanistic psychologists, such as SigmundFreud (1856–1939) and Alfred Adler (1870–1937), it is most likely thatself-esteem ideas are derived directly from teachings about self-love, whichcan be traced back to an atheistic German psychoanalyst by the name of ErichFromm (1900–1980). In his book, Man for Himself: An Inquiry intoPsychology of Ethics, written in 1947, Fromm declares that self-love is avirtue, and argues that it is implied in the Lord Jesus’ command to “Love thyneighbour as thyself” (Mt 22:39). In 1956, in the highly influential book(still being reprinted today), entitledThe Art of Loving, Frommessentially repeats the statement, and teaches that one must love himself inorder to reach his highest potential.

While most of us have not heard of Fromm, we would probably cringe at hisstatements concerning the Christian faith. For example, Fromm has this to sayabout faith in God:

Quite obviously, the majority ofpeople have, in their personal development, not overcome this infantile stage,and hence the belief in God to most people is the belief of a helping father—achildish illusion (Art of Love [Bantam Books, 1963], 59; cited byMartin Bobgan & Deidre Bobgan, Prophets of Psychoheresy II,[EastGate, 1990], 56–57).

Yet his ideas about self-love have been spread unhindered among Christians,through the teachings of popular authors such as James Dobson, Robert Schuller,Charles Stanley, Lawrence Crabb, Charles Swindoll, H. Norman Wright, ZigZiglar, Gary Collins, Paul Meier, Frank Minirth and even some reputablyReformed writers, such as Anthony A. Hoekema (see his The ChristianLooks at Himself [Eerdmans, 1975], though his theory extends to theregenerate Christian, whom he believes no longer have to contend with the oldman. Romans 7:14ff, according to him, refers to the unregenerate, despite thefact that it would make the unregenerate capable of desiring to do good. SeeRomans 7:22).

Now, we must be careful not to lump anyone who ever positively use the terms“self-esteem,” or “self-worth” or even “significance of man,” with those whopromote anti-biblical self-esteem theory. There are some writers who wouldspeak of the “self-esteem” which the elect in Christ may and ought have.

But listen to three of the most influential “prophets” of deliverance from thetyranny of low self-esteem and compare briefly with what the Scripture teaches.

James C. Dobson

Dr James C. Dobson, the famous “Christian psychologist,”wrote in the revision of his immensely popular book Hide or Seek:

In a real sense, the health of anentire society depends on the ease with which its individual members can gainpersonal acceptance [i.e. gain self-esteem]. Thus, whenever the keys toself-esteem are seemingly out of reach for a large percentage of the people, asin Western society at the turn of the twenty-first century, then widespreadmental illness, neuroticism, hatred, alcoholism, drug abuse, violence, andsocial disorder will certainly occur [Dobson had written in the earlieredition: “An epidemic of inferiority is raging throughout our society.... innerforce of inferiority is the most dominant force in life, even exceeding thepower of sex and its influence.“] (The New Hide or Seek: How to BuildSelf-Esteem in Your Child [Baker, 1999], as excerpted onwww.fotf.org/docstudy/bookshelf).

One of the questions we will have to ask Dr Dobson if we get to meet him iswhether he believes that low self-esteem is sin; for it appears to me that theScripture speaks of sin as being the chief cause of problemsin the world (Gen 3:16–19). And besides, instead of telling us that there willbe a problem of low self-esteem, the Apostle Paul tells us that in the lastdays, “men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud,…highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Tim 3:2–4). Paul’sprophecy concerning the last days (and we are in the last days) appears to betotally different from Dobson’s assessment. Did Paul make a mistake? Paul waswriting under inspiration of the Holy Spirit. And furthermore, nowhere does theScripture urge us to seek after self-esteem, but the Scriptures does teach usto seek humility as we noted earlier.

Robert Schuller

While Dobson seems to be play hide and seek when it comesto the relationship between sin and low self-esteem, Robert Schuller, anordained preacher in the Reformed Church in America (which is neither Reformednor Christian in the historic sense of the words), is much more open anddaring. He exclaims in his equally popular book that was distributed free tomore than 250,000 pastors, seminaries and Christian colleges: “Sin is any actor thought that robs myself or another human being of his or her self-esteem” (Self-Esteem:The New Reformation [Word Book, 1982], 14). Therefore any preacher whotell sinners that that sin makes us hateful to God (cf. Ps 11:5; Prov 15:9;etc.) is in fact “committing an insulting sin” (p. 154), for as Schuller putsit: “The core of sin is a lack of self-esteem… Once a person believes he is an‘unworthy sinner,’ it is doubtful if he can honestly accept the saving graceGod offers in Christ” (p. 98).

With such a doctrine, it is no wonder that Schuller was calling for a newreformation, that is a reformation of the church by which he hoped would removeall vestiges of the doctrine of sin as taught in the Scripture and preached bythe Church for 2,000 years (for as he says: “the doctrine of sin is the reasonwhy Christians have behaved so badly for the past two thousand years”):

Where the 16th century Reformationreturned our focus to sacred scripture as the only infallible rule for faithand practice, the new reformation [which he was advocating], will return ourfocus to the sacred right of every person to self-esteem (p. 19).

The new reformation of Schuller would have no connection with the 16th centuryReformation because it would make anyone caught in it, who is still focusing onthe “sacred scripture as the only infallible rule for faith and practice,” agrotesque hypocrite.

Lawrence J. Crabb, Jr.

Consider lastly Lawrence (Larry) J. Crabb, Jr. We choosehim as an example because his book Effective Biblical Counselling (Zondervan,1977) was published in Singapore by the S+U Publishers (1983), and was forquite a while a popular guide book amongst the parachurch groups, and churcheswhich had connections with the parachurch groups.

Crabb openly admits that he believes Christianity should be integrated withpopular psychology. He believes his method, known as “Spoiling the Egyptians”(p. 47), is biblical and best. But the name of his method is already revealingof the way he handles Scripture. The Israelites were to spoil the Egyptians ofclothes, silver and gold, not values, beliefs and methodologies of living. Infact, they were explicitly forbidden from doing so (see Leviticus 18:3), andwere rebuked when they did so (Jer 2:18).

What did Crabb spoil from the Egyptians? Among many other things, he spoiledAbraham Maslow of his Hierarchy of Needs (see p. 79ff).Maslow’s hierarchy implies that man cannot be held responsible to love God andhis neighbour if he has been deprived of lower level needs that are requisitefor obedience, one of which is the need for significance or self-esteem (level4). Crabb may not hold to all the implications of Maslow’s theory, but it isclear that he sold to the idea that the primary and immediate need of fallenman is not so much deliverance from sin and reconciliation to God, butself-love or self-esteem. He announces: “People have one basic personal needwhich requires two kinds of input for its satisfaction. The most basic need isa sense of personal worth, an acceptance of oneself as a whole, real person”(p.61).

What is the implication of such a doctrine, but that a dulling of theconscience concerning the sinfulness of sin and the priority which should begiven to seeking after righteousness rather than after self? The Lordinstructs: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; andall these things shall be added unto you” (Mt 6:33); and he tells us that only“one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not betaken away from her” (Lk 10:42). Crabb, no doubt, emphasises that onlyChristians can have all the needs, as listed by Maslow, met (p. 83). But inspoiling the Egyptians, he is forced in some ways to preach a gospel ofsalvation in terms of meeting selfish needs rather than of rescue from sin andwrath of God. This is the subtle effect of self-esteem culture that exalts manto a level of worthiness such that the Gospel centres around him rather thanaround God.

Love Thyself!

But does not the Bible command us to love ourselves? The Lord commands: “Thoushalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Mt 22:39b). Is this a command to loveourselves? Of course not! The fact is that our Lord simply assumes that wealready love ourselves, and now we need to love our neighbour similarly. Paulmakes it explicit when he says: “For no man ever yet hated his ownflesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (Eph5:29, emphasis mine). Those who complain that they hate themselves are reallyunhappy with the circumstances they are in, their feelings, abilities, etc. Ifthey truly hate themselves, then they would be happy to be miserable. All humanbeings love themselves. This is why rather than calling us to love ourselves,Christ instead commands us to deny ourselves:

If any man will come after me, lethim deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will savehis life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall findit (Mt 16:24–25).

In fact, if think about it carefully, we will realise that the problem of lowself-esteem is really a problem of pride in many instances. How so? Considerthe case of Lee Harvey Oswald, the assassin of President Kennedy. Dobson paintshim as a victim of circumstances, who was unloved as a child, rejected by thearmy and abandoned by his wife. “No one wanted him. No one had ever wanted him.He was perhaps the most rejected man of our time. His ego lay shattered in afragmented dust!” (ibid). Accordingly, he had no sense of worthiness.And accordingly, this low self-esteem was the primary reason why he finallyfired the shots at the president, who “more than any other man on earth,embodied all the success, beauty, wealth, and family affection which helacked.” Was it really a sense of low self-esteem that led Oswald to do what hedid? Could it not be rather a sense of pride that says: “I deserve to betreated better than I am being treated now. I will do something that everyonewill notice.”

It appears to me that every case of low self-esteem amongst unbelievers is infact a case of pride, which resulted in unfulfilled desires. The Fall has mademan sinners and children of wrath. Any feeling of worth is therefore a failureto recognise the severity of sin and the offence against God.

How, then, can low self-esteem in an unbeliever, which is a more accurateself-assessment, be regarded as a problem? And how can low self-esteem then betreated with the technique of compensation (assigning something to do that willperk up the ego) as suggested by Dobson? Should not the person who experienceslow self-esteem rather be told that indeed we are worthless because of sin, butdespite our unworthiness, Christ commands all sinners to repent and believe inHim for salvation.

The Christian and hisSelf-Esteem

We have noted that such as are out of Christ have no reason to have anyself-esteem at all. But what about Christians? Is there room for self-esteemamongst such as are united with Christ? I believe so. David J. Engelsma, theprofessor of Protestant Reformed Seminary, puts it well when he gives us sevenreasons why we ought to have a healthy ‘self-esteem.’

First, as a believer, I may and must know myself to be chosen by Godand, therefore, as precious to God. God has loved me from eternity.

Second, as a believer, I may and must know myself as redeemed, not withsilver or gold, but with the precious blood of God’s own Son in our flesh, and,therefore, as precious to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Third, as a believer, I know myself as regenerated and indwelt by theHoly Spirit. I am, therefore, a new creature in Christ. I possess the life ofthe risen Jesus Christ Himself. I am the temple of God.

The image of God has been restored in me. Nothing less than this belongs to theproper Christian self-image.

Fourth, as a believer, I am justified by faith and, therefore, amaccepted of God. I am not guilty; and I am not worthy of hell or of anycondemnation.

Fifth, as a believer, I have been adopted by God and, therefore, am ason of the God of heaven and earth and am heir of all things. I am no child ofthe devil.

Sixth, as a believer, I am sanctified and, therefore, am actually goodwith the pure, spotless goodness of the Holy Spirit. And my walk, my life, asthe apostle says so plainly in the first couple of chapters of 1 Peter, is anexcellent, noble walk and life in the world.

Seventh, as a believer, I am destined for glory, soul, but also body. Aproper self-esteem extends to the body of a Christian as well as the soul.Besides that, as a believer, I know that God in His sovereignty has so arrangedmy life in all its circumstances that all that I am and everything that belongsto my place and circumstances has been determined in that love of God for me sothat I need not be discontented about any aspect of my circumstances (“Is GoodSelf-Esteem Important for a Christian, and How Is It Developed?” inPerspectivesin Covenant Education [Fall 1990]).

In other words, the Christian, since he is individually elected, justified,regenerated, adopted, sanctified, and preserved unto glory, may and ought tohave a healthy ‘self-esteem.’ He may take comfort in the love of God for himdespite his unworthiness. But we must be careful not to confound this Christian‘self-esteem’ with the self-esteem that secular psychologists andpseudo-Christian psycho-logists talk about. The Christian ‘self-esteem’ is notbased on our personal worth, but faith in Christ. Indeed, we may more properlycall it Christ-esteem rather than self-esteem.

The Christian needs not and should not suffer the kind of self-defeat, doldrumsand frustration that non-Christians claiming low self-esteem may experience.When we feel insufficient, we may find our sufficiency in Christ (2 Cor 3:5).When we feel inability overwhelming us, we have the confidence that, as wetrust in Christ, we can do all things through Him who strengthens us (Phil4:13). When we feel weak we know that His grace is sufficient for us, and Hispower is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12:9–10). When we are at our wits end,we know that we can ask the Lord for wisdom (Jas 1:5), and have the confidencethat the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of man (1 Cor 1:25). Whenwe feel lonely, we may take comfort that Christ promises to be with us evenunto the end of the world (Mt 28:20). When we feel unloved, we may know thatChrist loves us so much He died for us (1 Jn 4:10). When we feel inferiorbecause of how we look, we must realise that Christ has redeemed our bodies andwill restore it to perfection one day.

A Christian, to put it in another way, needs never to suffer the symptoms oflow self-esteem. But we must not assume that having symptoms of low self-esteemis always bad for the Christian. In fact, if we search the Scriptures we willnot find any instance where we are commanded to have a higher estimation ofourselves. Moses was not chided for looking down upon himself, he was chidedfor not trusting in the Lord. Timothy was encouraged not to let anyone despisehis youth, but he was not told to think of himself more highly than he wasalready. On the contrary, everywhere in the Scriptures we are warned againsthaving too high an estimation of ourselves. The fact is that in the finalanalysis most of us have too high an estimation, rather than too low anestimation, of self.

Moreover, a low estimation of self, when it comes to our righteousness, isreally a safe-guard against spiritual pride and apostasy. The portrait of atrue saint, painted by our Lord in His beatitudes, is one who is poor inspirit, who mourns for his own sin, and is most meek and humble, knowing thathe does not deserve any of God’s gracious blessings upon him. He knows that hefalls short of the glory of God because of the remnant of the sin nature, andso he hates and abhors himself because of his sin against God. And because ofhis sin, he daily cries out as Paul did, “O wretched man that I am! Who shalldeliver me from the body of this death?” (Rom 7:24). And so he is constantlyfleeing to Christ. If all these are symptomatic of having a low self-esteem,then let us covet after low self-esteem, for these symptoms are indicative of ahealthy Christian. It is healthy because it causes us to despair of ourselvesand to turn to Christ constantly to rely on Him, and to exalt His name so thatwe may indeed say with John the Baptist that Christ is increasing as wedecrease, and with Paul: “For me to live is Christ”!

How then should we counsel someone who appears to us to have low self-esteem? Ibelieve, in the first place, we must be careful not to be too quick to point afinger at low self-esteem. Remember that pride, paradoxically, can alsomanifest itself in the way of low self-esteem. Take the case of a Christian whomanifests symptoms of low self-esteem because of his perception of what othersthink of him? In such a case, it may really be the sin of having too high anestimation of self, which demands that others have the same estimation of him.Such a person should be brought to see his problem clearly and counselled torepent of his pride. In the second place, we ought to realise that everymanifestation of low self-esteem, which is not due to the sight of sin, isreally due to failure to understand our privileges as children of God.Therefore proper counsel must include a reminder of what Christ has done for usand what He can and will do for us and an exhortation to trust in the Lord.

Conclusion

We have seen that low self-esteem is not really a universal problem, which mustalways be dealt with by increasing self-esteem by artificial means? Lowself-esteem, if it truly exists amongst men, may be the best thing to happen toone who is out of Christ, if he is thereby driven to Christ. Low self-esteem inthe case of a Christian is healthy if it is brought about by the knowledge ofindwelling sin, which shuts him up to Christ. Then also, manifestations of lowself-esteem could be brought about by lack of faith or knowledge, in which casethe corrections required is not compensation but exhortation.

I am convinced that one of the reasons why the “problem of low self-esteem” isgiven so much emphasis today is that we live in a day when men are “lovers of…self” (2 Tim 3:2), when even professing Christians think much more about selfthan about Christ. I am further convinced that if we would live according tothe principles and patterns laid down in the Word of God, we would not beconcentrating much on our own worth and dignity, but on the magnification ofChrist (Phil 1:20–21) and on esteeming others better than ourselves (Phil 2:3).May the Lord increase while we decrease.

—J.J. Lim
6 May, 2001